After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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