i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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