My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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