I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
