The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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