well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
