I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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