it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
