Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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