Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
