We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
