Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
