Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
