she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
