she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
