Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
