I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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