He kissed a someone with a penis
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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