i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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