I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
