So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
