I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Randomize
