just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
