so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
