I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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