Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
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