Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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