i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
