soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
