just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
