I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
