return my video game
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Randomize
