cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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