so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
