Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
