So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
