Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
