The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
