There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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