so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
