I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
