Kiss
Puke
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
