I skipped work to stalk him.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
