Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
