Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
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