the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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