is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Sorry about my life...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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