Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
