coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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