you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
