I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
handjob tips. give me some.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
