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I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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