So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
