guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
