I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
