2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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