I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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