The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
